she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
