grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
