It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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