so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
