It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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