So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
