I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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