I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
