Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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