What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
