i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
