I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
