bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
