okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
