I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My ass is underappreciated
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
