i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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