I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
