I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
