no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
