I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
