Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm going to jail i love you
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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