i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
