The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize