hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
