I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize