I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We had to coat check the pizza.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
