"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
