My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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