Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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