i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
