do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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