I'm so fucking centered right now
its not stalking. its research.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
