False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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