you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
