Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
