dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
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He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
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She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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