Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
