Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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