Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
