me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
