he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He shit in the fireplace
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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