I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
