Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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