I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
