thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
