how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
smell my finger.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?