My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
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I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
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The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.