I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.