i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions