so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.