Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
