just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
