He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar