so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
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He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
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I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good