Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar