my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.