I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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