Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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