Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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