No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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