what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
