the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
