maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
