well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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