He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
