I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
