maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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