my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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