all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
