Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
