I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
