no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
