The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
