haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
