69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
