Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
