sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize