When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
