You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
