my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
