he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
